I have made many references to THE BOOK and feel it is deserving of it’s own little comment page here. As I mentioned before, THE BOOK refers to the pregnancy bible - What to Expect When You’re Expecting, penned by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel. Now, ever since telling folks that we are going to have a baby, after they ask us the standard questions, the next thing they due is recommend reading THE BOOK. I swear every pregnant woman in America must have read this book. Actually I should back up for a second. Every female who has been pregnant has recommended THE BOOK. I have not had a single guy even mention it. This leads to a few puzzling thoughts as to why this is: 1. guys don’t read (possible); 2. guys don’t care (maybe); 3. when they see THE BOOK they think it is a ‘Chick book’ (probably); or 4. they probably don’t even know their wives have THE BOOK (sadly probably the truth0. However, I think there is another reason. I think wives don’t let their husbands read THE BOOK so that they can keep the truth from them. Therefore they can make such statements as, “Honey, THE BOOK says I can eat whatever and whenever I want, so go to Dairy Queen and get me the Blizzard,” or “Sorry dear, THE BOOK says we should not be sexually intimate until 6 months after having the baby.” How do they pull this off, you might ask? Well, it’s simple, they just follow up by saying, “Don’t worry sweatie, I will let you know what THE BOOK says so you can concentrate on your football game - here are some buffalo wings.” Your being duped men! It is time to get off your duff and actually crack open THE BOOK.
THE BOOK Cliff Notes
Now because I am the kind of guy who likes to make your life easier, I can tell you a few things since I have read THE BOOK (not because I don’t trust what Jooae is telling me, I was just curious what this magical BOOK was all about). Most important for many of you is that you should know your wife is going through many changes. There are all these hormone things bouncing around. This means she may sometimes act a little loopy, or cry for no reason, or even, dare I say, yell at you. This is all normal. Just do your best to listen and comfort your wife as much as you can. She is putting up with a lot after all. THE BOOK says a bunch of other stuff, but the second most important part for you is that yes, normal sexual relations are possible though with modification. As an incentive for you to read, THE BOOK actually gives some suggestions on how to keep the zing in your marriage in this department. Oh yeah, THE BOOK also says some stuff about your baby’s growth. There that is the guy-ified short version of THE BOOK. Now go and actually read it!
I must also say a few things to the women out there regarding your hearty recommendation of THE BOOK. Again, overall I think it is a great resource and everything, but it is NOT WRITTEN BY A DOCTOR! There, I said it. I hope I don’t burst any bubbles. I am sure the authors are very wise and all, but it is shocking that they don’t have at least one OBGYN as a co-author. So reader beware. The other thing is that THE BOOK has a tendency to throw expectant mothers who are already worried about every little thing when it comes to pregnancy in to orbital levels of anxiety because it tends to harp on everything that could go wrong. So if you are prone to worry, perhaps just skim those parts. ‘Nuff said.
